Saturday, February 14, 2009

"I won't forget time spent laying by her side..."

We were asked "What is love?" We were asked if there was even an answer to that question. At the suggestion of my girlfriend, I read Plato's Symposium a while back, and it is filled with interesting attempts at answering, in particular Aristophanes' tale of of finding your other half, which is both beautiful as well as most accurate, in my opinion. In the vein of the the members of Agathon's famous party, I shall provide my best answer to the ancient questions.

Love is. No matter what it is, it always is. And it is always strong. So called "weak love" is a fallacy. It is love or it is not. And while I wish I could address all its many forms, I fear I can't. Therefore, I will stick with the one that harkens to me most: romantic love. I won't pretend to be an expert at it. I can't imagine I'm even all that great at expressing it, in word or in action, but it draws one like nothing else on earth can.

Love is stunning. Just when you think you've got it figured out, it branches out and surprises you all over again. If you haven't lived it, you can't know what it is like, and this blog will fall on deaf ears, but in hopes of making it make a little more sense for you, let me use my life and my current relationship as an example. This is me getting really personal in a way I don't like to in hopes of enriching someone, so the second I catch shit from anyone about this, there will be hell to pay. To my dear sweet Meg, I know you'll read this eventually, I hope it doesn't upset you too terribly.

I've spent most of Valentine's Day mad. Mad as hell. Deeply sad. Hurt. Rocking a pretty solid headache at the moment as well. We have been fighting most of the day. Stupid things, but then again they always are. To make a very long story short, while microwaving something, she shorted out half of her apartment, and the damage done requires an actual electrician to fix. Seeing as how this is the second time this week she lost power, she was understandably upset. However, she was more upset than I thought was necessary, just pissed and not able to focus it, and so I told her over the phone that it was fine, no big deal, that she needed to calm down because she was yelling at me when she was mad about the power, and that we should just calm down and talk about it. This is generally not the smartest of plans, to tell a girl she is flying off the handle for no major reason.

As fights between people in a relationship tend to go, the main reason for the start of the unhappy feelings is quickly lost, and old wounds are re-bled. Sadly, the most vicious fights are with the ones who know where to dig the best. Things got worse, feelings were hurt, the same conflict between man and woman that has existed forever. She left, spent most of the day with her apartment-mate, and I got very little time with her. All the special Valentine's Day plans were shot.

Moral: Sometimes, love can be a bitch.

"It's a broken kind of feeling."

Yet, if that were all, why would we desire love, worship love, exalt love to the highest reaches, or even, to put it simply, why would we love love? It is for all the other moments. The first kiss. The second kiss. The third kiss. Every kiss. The times when she can't stop crying and all you can do is hold her, whisper that it will be okay, and then go cry after she is gone, because it was so horrible to see her hurting like that. Spending money on movies you watch but never see. Being scared as hell when you meet her parents. Finding out her parents actually like you. Finding out that her parents have stopped liking you.

Love is bittersweet. When you are standing at the airport, and you have to leave, but she has to stay, and they have called your row four times and are about to close the doors, but you need one last hug, a quick touch of your hand to wipe away her tears, and then one last kiss before you run to the plane, knowing that if you look back you won't be able to leave. Long phone calls when you are far away, desperately clutching the phone and wishing it was her hand you were holding instead.

Love is without a language of its own. Words fall short every time. You can't describe the perfect smile, even though you see it every time she looks your way. The blue in her eyes is not any shade known to man, and no one sees that blue but you. The soft sigh of contentment as she falls asleep curled up next to you, safe in your arms. The sweetest laugh as you tell yet another joke that is funny to no one else.

Love is silly. That's right, silly. Your dumb little jokes, your mushy moments that nauseate everyone near by. Drawing hearts all over packages to embarrass the other when he has to pick them up at the front desk. Random bouts of flirting. Fake fights, with such horrible methods needed to reach forgiveness ("Wait, you mean you don't love me?" "Jerk!" "But isn't that what you said?" "You know it wasn't!" "You hurt my feelings. But I know how you can make it up to me." "How?" "A kiss.").

Love is for the young, but age isn't measured in years. It's measured in emotion. Love makes you young, love keeps you young, and with love you never need to fear death, because you will never die. It's true. Love never ends. It is a forever thing that you get once and never again, and if you fuck it up, you don't always get a second chance. But when you have it, and when you can keep it, there is no greater feeling in the world.

Love isn't easy. It can lead to arguments, sadness, the whole affliction. But we love love. Because it never is just about the bad. It is about the good. It never hurts more than it heals. Yes, I was rather mad at the beginning of this, but the magic of love heals all wounds, and now, not much later, I am better. Because, through it all, love never wavers. It is never diminished by anger. I can be as mad as anyone can get at my girlfriend, but through it all I love her no less, nor does she love me any less. Love is forever.

"What is love?" For me, Love is a girl named Meghan Jane Dudley. She is all of the above. She is my everything. And that, Dr. Sexson, class, world, is the answer to "What is love?"

1 comment:

  1. WOW! truely touching Luke. Hopefully everyone can experience something as beautiful as your relationship with your girlfriend!

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